tourbraindump12

25 min flow timer

february 5, 2024

san antonio, texas

tourbraindump12

***

i feel spread thin

everything wants my atttention

i wont allow myself a little time to just [think & create]

i need a way to express myself better

even these tourbraindumps feel [[[manicured]]] to a certain degree

thats why the whole [performance aspect of posting on social media] makes me feel like i still cant one hundred percent be [my]self because i am still nonetheless performing for an audience

i feel scared to share myself

i feel scared to let myself dive deeper

why am i scared of the ocean

why am i scared of nature

i would never actually think that im scared of those things, but i also dont chase them as much as i feel like i should be

i want to chase nature

i bought a converted camper van a couple months ago

i could live in it if i wanted to

its that kind of van

ive always wanted to live [off the grid]

the van has a bed & a shower & a stove top & mini fridge & other stuff too

theres solar panels on the top of the van so it can ideally always have electricity

im proud of the investment

i feel like a kid

[finally growing up]

[finally thinking about the future]

i want to travel more

when i was 18 years old 

4 months after i graduated high school

i got in my car & went on a 2 month long solo roadtrip

it was the first time in my life i felt like i was trying to expose myself to the real world

i was scared but naive

it was my way of making up for all the [lost time] spent in my room

my [wasted youth]

my room was always my favorite place

it still is

i never think about that roadtrip i took when i was 18

but i should

18 year old me was so brave

but that roadtrip also ended up sort of scaring the 18 year old me

i dont know what i expected

***

i want to travel more

***

im sorry, im a little spacey right now

there is still 9 minutes & 23 seconds left on the timer

after this im gonna work on music for a bit

***

today i went out to eat with friends

it reminded me how important community is

[the brain needs face-to-face human interaction

[listen to [your] brain, sky]

[it wants the best for you]

[just fucking listen]

888

i want to feel more human

i had 3 cold brews today

im not proud of that

but i also dont mind it

my brain feels electrified

it 10:09pm here in san antonio, tx

the weather was beautiful today

i wanna open up a coffee shop someday

i wanna open up a climbing gym someday

i wanna open up a bookstore someday

all [24 hours]

im sure it'll be doable

i want to create more places in the world people can go to get human to human interaction & exposure

***

everything in life is about the effort you put in

[the effort you put in decides what you get back]

its a perfect universe

everything webs together

everything connects

the world could be much less linear & it would make more sense

[do i actually think i know anything?]

***

i want to sit in the sun more often

i want to make music outside

where the wind is real

where the birds are singing with me

where the sun is holding me

[the van is the answer]

[the van is the key]

the van can be a travelling music studio

***

i feel sort of [all over the place] right now

***

but i also feel like i just sort of discovered important things about myself while writing this tourbraindump12

mission accomplished, i suppose

the timer is done now

goodbye

***

since forever,

sky