tourbraindump13

25 min flow timer

february 6, 2024

san antonio, texas

tourbraindump13

***

im getting spoiled by the sun lately

it keeps showing up & giving me the energy i crave

if i am a plant, then i am finally in bloom

i have been flooded with so many old habits just from being back in my moms house a few days

[habits im not very fond of]

checking my phone a little too much

laying in my bed a little too much

eating a little too much

[i cant tell the difference between resting & rotting]

it all feels the same

if i am a plant, then i think its time to get a bigger garden to grow in

***

im sitting in the sun, surrounded by a bunch of brains that are also sitting in the sun

[being alone in a public place is enough]

it's 4:04pm in san antonio, tx

theres still a solid 2ish hours of sunlight left

sometimes it feels like the sunlight was made for me

[the sun misses you, sky]

[the sun misses your company]

i went to sleep late again last night

i got very zooted & worked on lyrics

it felt good to create again

to create a memory out of memories

to create something i can sing to

[to create something i can feel to]

writing music is a bizarre experience in a way, if u can manage to do it right

you write things about your life that you can *feel* to later on

[a feeling, that you can feel to]

[a feeling, that you can cry to]

[a feeling, that you can dance to]

music is just a feeling

i need to remind myself that more often

its so easy to get caught up in all the bullshit rules that we create for ourselves

[the pressure we create for ourselves is suffocating]

its traumatizing

[where did all these rules come from?]

***

i realized i never reflected on the [austin, texas] show we played a few days ago

the show was electric

the vibes, immaculate

the venue was an outdoor venue

the ground was slightly soggy & muddy from the rain the night before

i loved the grime

i loved the dirt

there's this new on-going bit from the last 2 shows where i take my socks off on stage & perform the rest of the show completely barefoot

[let the dogs breathe, sky]

it started off as a random improvised bit at the dallas show

but what i never explained to the crowd was that i've actually always wanted to feel free enough to play the shows barefoot

it makes me feel human

[all i want is to feel human]

i know some people in the crowd dont like feet

it makes them feel weird

[why does humanity make us feel weird?]

i cant keep thinking about the opinions of others

[i wasn't born to think about the endless opinions of others]

im not sure if i'll take my socks off at every show

im sure it will depend on my mood on that given day

but i feel very [lucky & honored] that my job is to jump on stage with humans & attempt to feel more human

the feeling of the "hometown show" was incredible

they welcomed me & aus with open arms & the love was apparent

i almost never want to get on stage

then once im on stage, i never want to get off

[life is balance, i suppose]

being on stage is a high you cant buy anywhere else

i'm a fiend for the high

***

i miss the bus

i miss being on the road

[the grass is always fucking greener, i suppose]

today is the 3rd off-day, out of 6 consecutive off-days

i feel purposeless, in a way

[my] brain feels so scattered

[take a deep breath, sky]

***

there's not much time left on the timer

[time flies when you're existing]

[the real world is real]

I AM CAPABLE OF ANYTHING

its quite the realization to have

i have always been blindly confident in my ability to succeed & make myself proud

[i hope im still on the right path]

[[[i never know when to change course]]]

im such a comfort creature, it fucking terrifies me

but for now, the sun is out & i am alive

[take a deep breath, sky]

***

since forever,

sky