tourbraindump14

25 min flow timer

february 8, 2024

san antonio, texas

tourbraindump14

***

i am aware of the fact that i'm going to post these words onto social media 

i'm going to share this with an audience

i am telling the experiences of [my] own life

i am articulating the thoughts of [my] own brain

if humans have always sat around campfires & told stories to each other,

then i suppose my writing of any [words for the internet] is not necessarily me performing

[it's storytelling]

[[[the internet is our campfire]]]

***

a little effort feels like a lot of effort to my brain right now

my mind is empty, it feels

as if im in [the sunken place]

its sad

my brain feels like mush

effort feels impossible

i get nothing done & still feel exhausted

my brain has finally experienced [learned helplessness]

i dont know how to get vulnerable with anybody because i dont know how to get vulnerable with myself

[you have to participate in the real world, sky]

[you can't just live inside your head, forever]

***

i miss working at a coffee shop

i go to a one at least once a day while on tour

i haven't worked at a coffee shop in 6 years

it was always so rewarding

so many little tasks

i miss the little tasks

[the little braingames]

i avoid all the little mundane tasks in my regular life

im scared of too many things stealing my attention, so i end up allowing nothing to steal my attention

[if my attention is on nothing important, then what the fuck am i focusing on?]

[!] I DONT KNOW WHY I AVOID [EFFORT] [!]

effort would endlessly sharpen me

why am i so scared of being sharp?

[you gotta keep sharpening yourself, sky]

[you gotta be a team player]

[you gotta get out of your head]

[it's time to get to work]

***

i went to a coffee shop earlier today called [revolucion]

i got:

*a burrito

*a [fruit/veggie] juice

*a cold brew

it was wonderful

[countdown city, to the rescue]

i edited a quick little video for the mickey darling tiktok

video editing is a [micro skill] that i am so glad i have

the basics are good enough for me 

[micro skills] are so slept on

its cool being great at one thing, but its fucking awesome being [good enough] at a handful of [practical things]

***

imagine if it were the prehistoric times

imagine i am a random caveman in a random tribe

it would be so sick if i was the best fisherman in the entire tribe, i agree

but imagine being the caveman that can decently fish, hunt, climb trees, & build a shelter/fire

[i will never be the best]

[but i will be well-rounded]

[i will be balanced]

thats what i love about [micro skills]

im decent at editing videos

im decent at music production

im decent at singing

im decent at lyrics

im decent at everything in my life

[i dont wanna be the best at anything]

[just the best me, i suppose]

ive never been a very competitive person

everyone is in their own race

everyone is in their own [sunken place]

im a [recovering people pleaser]

i love being nice, but i hate it when im too nice

[i just wanna be a balanced caveman]

***

i always show up late to things

i feel bad but i change nothing

[when do we grow?]

i need to sharpen

if you avoid life, you avoid the [braingames]

life is a [puzzle]

conversation is a [dance]

***

i didn't post a tourbraindump yesterday

[did you miss me?]

i tried to write one, but just couldn't seem to find the words

i did nothing but hop from coffee shop to coffee shop yesterday

i've been playing guitar more than usual, which is nice

i've been writing lyrics more than usual, which is nice

holding myself accountable feels so impossible these days

i've only been getting 6 hours of sleep every night

i usually get around 8

which i suppose is a beautiful indicator of why i haven't been feeling fully recharged the past few days

it feels like i forgot how to fall asleep

it feels like i forgot how to stay asleep

brain is fried

dopamine is fried

a life of [low hanging fruit] is a shit ass life

***

since forever,

sky