tourbraindump16

25 min flow timer

february 10, 2024

san antonio to houston

tourbraindump16

***

we're finally back on the road

2 hours away from houston

im trying harder to [be more present]

i dont wanna run away from my life anymore

[the real world is real]

***

i have a bunch of family coming to the houston show tonight

sisters & parents & nieces & nephews & uncles & etc

im excited

my throat feels a little tender

but thats okay

[life is hurdles]

***

i've had 2 iced lattes & a cold brew so far

im halfway through the cold brew

[im always halfway through a cold brew, it feels]

coffee has become such a habit on tour

such a safe space in a way

something to look forward to

im excited to not drink as much coffee once i get back to my regular life

usually i only drink 1 or 2 black coffees in my regular life

tour makes me try new things

tour makes me act a lil fancy

i dont mind it

but im also not a fancy boy

[& if i am, i dont want to be]

***

been on the road for 37 days now

the experience has humbled me

i used to think i was the shit & the road has showed me that the road is in fact the shit

i am simply surviving

i love it

i miss home

but i love surviving

i wish my family took me camping more when i was growing up

i grew up so detached from nature

[4 man-made walls were my jungle]

i never learned how to survive

the fridge was always full

the ac was always cranked

the tv always worked

the water was always running

im grateful for all that i had growing up

but i ended up drowning in all the comfort that was given to me

one day i innocently went for a swim & never came back up for air

***

when i was 19, i went to europe by myself in hopes of solo-backpacking for 2 months

i came home after 1 week

i had no idea what i was getting myself into

i didn't know how to survive

i still dont

but im finally learning

i still want to go & solo-backpack europe in the near future

[who am i when im not drowning in the comfort?]

***

being home & running into people from my past life has been so interesting

i feel so different than who i was

i see that as a good thing, mainly

im glad ive grown & continue to grow

[i want to be a flower]

[i want to grow]

[i need to grow]

but i cant help but feel detached from my old life

me & my old life have nothing in common

[what are we supposed to talk about?]

it feels like people from my past look at me differently

they treat me differently

i dont know how to feel about it all

i dont wanna go backwards

i want to keep moving

i want to progress

***

im not working as hard as i think i am

im not working as hard as i want to be

im not working as hard as i know im capable of

im not working as hard as i know i should be

[the grind is endless]

[just like me]

***

the downfall i've seen from not being on social media is that i've lost touch with the culture

its sad & infuriating

life feels binary, in a way

everything feels like code

[pixels on a screen]

[my] brain almost feels like its made of pixels

ive spent my whole life in front of a [black mirror]

i want to go analog

i need to go analog

my hands need something to do

[how often do you let your hands dance?]

the world misses my hands but [i never listen]

[is anyone out there?]

[is anyone listening?]

[houston, we have much more than a problem]

***

since forever,

sky