tourbraindump17

25 min flow timer

february 12, 2024

houston to oklahoma city

tourbraindump17

***

we've been on the road for a handful of hours today

we're on the way to oklahoma city

i've only ever driven through oklahoma city before

[a 6 hour drive will usually become a 9 hour drive for us]

[the fulfillment is in the journey]

***

its becoming more & more difficult to write these tourbraindumps

not because i dont have anything to say

but because i keep wanting to say the same things

[my mind is on loop]

[when do we grow?]

***

i keep asking myself: 

[how do i want to be perceived?]

& no answer ever comes to mind

***

all ive been thinking about the past few days is all the endless potential thats inside of me

[all seemingly going to waste]

if i am a bird, i want to fucking fly

my lifelong laziness is finally catching up to me

i need to change my narrative

i need some exposure to other existences

[other experiences]

i dont wanna know what else is possible, i wanna [feel] what else is possible

i never realized how much of a bubble i was in my whole life

just a scared little boy, scared of a scary little world

if i am just a product of my environment, then i think its time to update my environments

[you can't grow in the dark, sky]

i used to think comfort was what i was chasing

now its what i run away from

[when do we grow?]

***

the houston show was 2 days ago

i didn't tourbraindump yesterday

[did you miss me?]

yesterday was [super bowl sunday]

ive never watched a super bowl before

i didn't watch it yesterday either

[can't break the tradition, i suppose]

but we did have it on the tv in the airb&b

the tv was on mute the whole time

i caught a few glimpses of it

[sometimes visual stimulation is enough]

[embrace the silence, from time to time]

[dont forget about the silence]

[magic always happens in the silences]

***

anyways

***

we went to a coffee shop called [a 2nd cup] yesterday

then [guitar center]

then a food spot called [cava] that we are obsessed with

ended up spontaneously writing a song with zach & ben

took us 2 hours to flesh out the melodies & lyrics

i think we're gonna name the song [super bowl sunday]

i love writing music

the fact that writing music is a job

let alone my job

is fucking bonkers

i get numb to it a lot of the time

but now, 5 weeks into tour, i finally feel inspired again

[don't forget about your endless potential, sky]

if i am a water tap, then i am finally flowing again

if i am a bird, then i am finally fucking flying

***

there are [168 hours] in a week

i know i could be using my hours more wisely

[the more i give, the more i get]

im scared of becoming stagnant again, once tour ends

im scared i'll get too comfortable, again

[read this when you're feeling lost, sky]

[i'll always take care of you]

***

i felt odd on stage at the houston show

i dont know what it was

my body didn't flow like water

i felt rusty

i felt robotic

im already getting bored of myself again

[you have to spice things up, sky]

[your brain needs novelty]

[your brain needs new things to help it keep growing]

***

[stimulate your brain, stimulate your life]

***

ive been using my hands more often

trying to indulge in any [braingames] that i can get my dirty little hands on

i want to learn how to play more instruments

i want to turn my thoughts into sounds

i want my hands to obey my brain

***

there's this group of fans that come to a bunch of our shows all across the country

they are always the first ones at the venue

they are always front row

they always sing the entire time

they always dance the entire time

they always bring us gifts

they always write us letters

they always read these tourbraindumps

they always say the sweetest things to us

they always make us feel so loved

[they know who they are]

without getting too sentimental, i just want to say thank you to all of them

i get emotional from how much they care.

i dont understand it, but i respect it

im jealous of them, in a way

i wish i cared about anything that much

i wish i was standing next to them at the shows instead of on stage

i want that sense of community

[going to shows, just for the fuck of it]

[where did my experiences go?]

[where am i supposed to get experiences from if i refuse to go out & participate?]

[REAL LIFE IS REAL]

i have a difficult time looking at these specific fans during the shows

they almost feel like family

i feel like i couldn't let them down, even if i tried

i feel like its not possible to disappoint them

[the love almost feels unconditional]

the way they care is whole & beautiful

its so pure.

im honored to be loved by anyone.

but im glad it's them.

***

since forever,

sky