tourbraindump9
25 min flow timer
february 2, 2024
dallas to austin
tourbraindump9
***
it's 2:07am
im sitting in an empty hotel lobby
typing these words on my macbook
in my notes app
i have my journal on the table
with a pen attached to it
i have noise cancelling headphones on
with [cottagecore ambience] playing to make [my] brain feel like its outside in nature [lol]
on tour, you have to create your own bedroom
you have to find pockets of solitude & work
im exhausted, but also exhilarated from the show tonight
when you manage to have any extra energy on tour, you have to seize the moment while you can
i never remember my dreams anymore
it makes me sad
***
i closed the laptop last night
i never finished the thought
i never finished the tourbraindump
i didn't feel the need to
[i didn't feel like i had anything left to say]
[my] brain was too fried from the day i had just endured
i like it when i listen to [my] brain & do what it wants me to do
like the feeling you get when you're thirsty & you obey
it's time to drink some water, sky
i think thats one of the most underrated aspects of the human experience
being in tune with your brain & body
listening to one another
paying attention to each other's needs
there's still 21 minutes & 14 seconds left on the flow timer i started last night in that hotel lobby
it's 1:44pm now
we're all in the bus again
i got a large cold brew & an acai bowl for breakfast/lunch
we're headed to austin, tx
i grew up going to concerts in austin
i saw all the bands that made me into who i am, in that city
i feel lucky having grown up an hour away from that city
not too close
not too far
close enough to go whenever i wanted,
but far enough to never be overwhelmed by any sense of fomo, either
during the first week of tour, we had a few off days in new york city
it was the first time i finally fell in love with that city
the city energized me
all the brains walking around, occupying themselves
filling up their time
but what i dont love about the idea of [city life] is that odd sense of fomo it makes me feel
the fear of missing out
[aren't we always technically missing out?]
do we have that fear for no practical reason?
do we do anything for any practical reason?
death makes us want to utilize our time more wisely
but death is also so vague that it cant completely pick me up off my ass & get me to work all the time
the big city felt like it could & would pick me up off my ass & make me work all the time
& i felt very confused by that
because although i want to feel that, i like living in peace
not that i dont think you can find pockets of peace in a big city
but its not the same kind of peace
because there feels like there would be this endless temptation pulling at me
the temptation of being able to walk right outside your home & have the world right there in front of you
a plate of oreos, always sitting on the kitchen table
maybe it sounds odd to me because im a [suburb kid]
i never knew a hustle & bustle kind of lifestyle
***
the dallas show was so fun
a lot of familiar faces & a lot of new ones
one foot in the familiar world & one foot in the new world
its like showing up to the first day of class & seeing one familiar face in the classroom
you know the semester's gonna be okay
you feel a little more at home
thats what the room in dallas felt like last night
so many strangers all becoming our new friends
a whole semester condensed down into an hour & a half set
it doesnt even feel like im performing anymore
it just feels like im partying
im really trying to listen to the music & feel what they are feeling
to hear what they are hearing
when making music, you get so numb to it at some point, because you hear it 1,000 times in the studio while creating it, then you hear it every night while on the road
but im trying to un-numb myself
im trying to re-listen to the lyrics
trying to hear what the crowd hears
all in the hope of feeling something fresh to lyrics i wrote years ago
the songs are time capsules
i am growing & changing, but the songs stay frozen in time
the songs stay young forever
maybe thats where the disconnect comes from
its like endlessly re-living memories that you got off your chest years ago
that you tried to forget years ago
it's like telling a therapist the same story over & over again
[when do we grow?]
maybe it's because the band name isn't my legal name
it makes me feel detached from the stories in the songs
even though they're my stories
just under a different alias
maybe thats where [my] brain gets confused
my real name is skyler molina
most people call me sky
or mickey
i like sky
its easy & pure
besides the trees, the sky is my favorite part of this world
maybe im biased
[aren't we all, though?]
***
there's only a few minutes left on the timer
we're 121 miles away from austin, tx
i know at the show tomorrow, there will be young people in the crowd that are living through the moments i used to live through.
they're going to endless concerts in austin, tx just like i did when i was in high school
but now, im not in the crowd anymore
its finally my turn to be on stage
to try & make a lasting impact on them, like the bands i saw had made on me
i hope i do the youth justice
i hope i can make them feel a little less alone
because thats what they do for me
they remind me that i was young once too
so full of life & despair
they're not numb to the songs yet
these moments mean everything to them
i hope i don't let them down
***
since forever,
sky


“even though they're my stories” I always wondered if Mickey was some kind of character/alternate persona. Also would like to add that you could never disappoint us, Sky❤️
Cant wait to see you in Austin, take care of yourself sky!!!!